Well hear nah… should I hummmm. Anyhow this is my blog. In life we have some people whom we have to interact with, who are pretty toxic , they behave as if their one mission in life is to see you fall and make you miserable in the process, maybe at work, school, family members even mother-in-law or father-in-law, lets be honest now I see you shaking your head saying yes.. true. So I have built up some mechanisms which help me cope I have tried my best to make them clear .. let’s grow!
- Set limits and establish boundaries
Toxic people don’t do well with boundaries (trust me I know). They try their utmost best to control others as well as situations. Setting boundaries might be very tiring and at times and it will seem to get you nowhere. However, ( we all know the serenity pray ) you have the upper hand in setting boundaries to the things which you can control.
Sometimes you just have to let your presence not be felt. If someone is someone is smoking surely you won’t stand and hang out in their presence inhaling second-hand smoke ????? Or maybe your toxic toooo.
Keep it to hi, hello and bye, only have surface topic conversations…….Talk about why the sky is blue or keep the conversation positive on someone else. Toxic people love to talk to listen and take back all the information and twist it up to make themselves look better. So covos about the birds and trees, then run away fast as you can.
- Don’t share secrets
We in the Caribbean have a saying “Bring come, Carry go,” That is when someone sits with you and have conversations and then carries the information back to whomever and maybe even the person you all spoke about, and I tell you, my brotha ( in my best Nigerian movie accent) when it is carried back, it is always, not in the most pleasant light.
So they sit and watch as the two parties hate and have a conflict with each other. All so, that, this toxic person can have control and feel good about themselves. Remind you all of anyone?
- Recognize insults
This one may be hard to notice. However, has anyone ever given you a compliment, that has you wondering, what they really meant? Toxic people tend to use words to make you jump out of pocket and have you acting the fool.
They hate to give you a compliment on any life achievement which they themselves has never achieved, afterward go and talk to someone else about all of your fantasy shortcomings they tell themselves that you have, just to compensate on them not feeling good about themselves.
You have to sometimes remind yourself that, their opinion does not even matter or cost” a pee in a pan”. Toxic people never have your best interest at heart so don’t even bat an eye at what they say. So don’t give their words power over your emotions and actions but, give some distance emotionally between you two, if physically cannot be done.
- Allow lairs to trip themselves up
Toxic people can never keep a straight story. I tell you some time or the other you start to hear the contradictions in stories and situations. They always expose their ugly assess to you or someone else. Give it time … “Old people say time longer than twine”. In my situation …Yes (rolls eyes) my situation, the lies always shows and I smile to myself and just have pity on the person. Don’t get it twisted It’s my blog and yes most times it about my experiences.
- Don’t fall prey to their pity
These people use it as a way of control and always blame others for their failures, or shortcomings in life never shinning the light on their issues. They are always inviting you to a pity party and play the victim in situations where persons actually stand up to them.
One thing they also do is, talk bad about you to other persons to make you undesirable to the other party so they can remain relevant and in control.
- Don’t waste energy on toxic conflict
Trust me Don’t waste your time and energy on toxic people. Majority of the time you cannot even have an intelligent discussion … only their opinion matters. If the light is shined on the part they played, they will be forced to look at themselves and they will be darned if they allow that to happen.
They have a way of worming themselves into your life in order to create drama and chaos in order to manipulate others to suit their needs.
All in all, people you and me have a right to be happy. I am nowhere close to mastering these, as I will say It’s a work in progress. Self-worth comes from within, my self-worth is an issue to a lot of people who cannot control my daily happenings, they show themselves up in their actions towards me proving, themselves to be toxic. When you are toxic you tend to destroy relationships which could have been beautiful… it sad but true.
Are you a toxic person?
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.